By T.M. Luker
"FORT COLLINS, Colo- With a timid demeanor and soft tone of voice, a first glance profile of Tara Demuth would be one of a person who is lost in her journey toward the future. This, I came to learn is just a cover to the true person that lies beneath a pleasant smile.
Her approach to life with a ‘jump in head first’ attitude is made even more evident through her success in swimming and relay running.
When asked about her opinions of the importance of healthy competition in children’s lives, Demuth replied; “Any sport teaches you how to overcome failure.”
Since she has continued her athleticism into her college years as a swimmer for the CSU traveling team, failure has yet to become an option for the All-American dreamer.
A father who is a lawyer, and a loving mother who choose to devote her time vigorously to Tara and her twin sister, Tasia, would for most, leave a trail of pressure. Because of this, Demuth’s first instinct was to become a doctor. After taking extensive math and sciences class which she loved, however, her sinister vision of needles set that dream aside.
As of late, Demuth is still experimenting with the path she needs to achieve this aspiration, but her dream job would be to work in a fashion magazine in New York (as inspired by the movie ‘The Devil Wears Prada’). She also wants to travel, and experience multiple fashion cultures to introduce to the U.S.
Her constant positivity and ability to remain collected is inspiring to those growing negative and even worrisome about their own uncertainties, and that rare quality makes Tara Demuth a character worth knowing.
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I liked the content and the narrative you used.
ReplyDeleteI would consider splitting this profile into more than two paragraphs. Also, I would develop a grabbing lead.
Nice description and creative wording as well.
I like the lead of this story and how it uses sensory detail. I also liked how the story progressed from a more specific part of my life that is occurring now to what I look forward to in my future. There is an error in the spelling for Tasia. Though I have never written in a newswritting format, I think that you could consider seperating the two larger paragraphs into shorter ones, especially to draw more attention to the quotes. The last sentence, though a good conclusion, does not seem to flow with the previous sentences. Thus, you may consider taking it out or keeping it by making it a seperate paragraph.
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